Friday, October 15, 2004
The Difficulty of Uncertainty
One of the most difficult things about this whole process is the uncertainty. We really have no idea how Porter will do with special education or how effective it will be. It may be that 20 years from now, nobody will even know what we're talking about now and Porter will seem as normal as me and you (well, maybe you). Or at some unknown point in the future he'll be unable to progress past a certain point in his intellectual and/or emotional development and will essentially just stop there. But we won't know when or if that might happen until it actually does occur. That realization is just very hard on me. We all want our children to grow and be happy and have a better life than we had. But what if that simply wasn't possible? What can you do? I keep breaking down in tears when I think of what the future might hold. Not for myself, but for Porter. I know it's simply a stage of dealing with it all, but it sure can be hard, dammit. I feel like I'm cycling through the Kubler-Ross stages.